The Self-Exorcism of Victoria Newman
by villyforever55
Summary: Victoria Newman is my favorite Y&R character. This is a short story of her journey in finding herself. If you are a Victoria fan, I hope you enjoy it. If not, I wish you the same. Please leave a comment and let me know what you think. There is also a little Jack Abbott added for good measure.


Or

Learning to Love From A Distance

"I call Victoria Newman to the stand."

The day and the moment Victoria had almost been dreading had finally arrived. Even up to this morning, as she kissed Johnny and Katie goodbye before they left with Hannah, she was still questioning herself, her motives, whether she was doing the right thing.

She had dressed carefully, wearing a dark blue suit and heels, her hair, at first up in a bun, was now loose about her shoulders. She stares at herself in the full length mirror on her bedroom door one last time. She exits her room, uncharacteristically leaving her bed unmade. No big deal, since only one half of the bed had been slept in. "If only", she sighs heavily, acknowledging her growing sense of loneliness as she heads downstairs to grab her coat and purse.

Her keys are on the desk, where she had left them the night before, along with a new picture of Katie and Johnny, snuggled together in her bed. Victoria picks the picture up in one hand and gazes at her two babies. There's a picture of her other son, Reed, who is no longer a baby, she grabs his picture also. She glances around the room to see other pictures, more of Johnny and Katie, Faith, Summer, her Mom and Dad, Abby. There's one of Delia, still in its place of honor above the fireplace. She walks over to view each one closer. Victoria looks at those happy, loving faces once more, puts the pictures of her children back in their original places, turns and leaves.

The courtroom is full, both sides occupied by members of the two ruling and often warring clans of Genoa City, the Abbotts and the Newmans, along with various other friends, associates, reporters and curious onlookers, who were hoping to witness and revel in the downfall of a giant. Victoria is near the front, sitting next to her mother, who gives her daughter's hand a reassuring squeeze when Victoria's name is called.

She rises and slowly makes her way to the front of the courtroom, feeling all eyes upon her, as if questioning her, doubting her resolve. She is, after all, Victor's right hand, the child most like him, his defender. Victoria knows what some say and think about her, but today, she is impervious to it all. She holds her head high and climbs the few steps to the witness chair and before taking her seat, raises her right hand and repeats the words as spoken by the court clerk.

"I do." Victoria says, finishing the oath, and sits down, her hands folded neatly in her lap. She sees him now, her father, the accused, but he refuses to look at her, instead, he chooses to look past her, around her, anywhere but at her, his spine stiffened in defiance, strengthened by his feelings of complete betrayal by this person, his first born. Victoria reads his disdain for her on his face, although one feeling is absent, that feeling Victoria needs so much to see.

Victoria answers each question posed by Christine, the district attorney, truthfully, her eyes no longer focused on her father. Her demeanor is cool, dignified, but not unfeeling, a tribute to her Swiss private school education and daily classes in comportment. For this, she sends up a silent prayer of thanks after hearing Christine's next question.

"Ms. Newman, do you hate your father?"

"No, I don't hate him."

"But, you were the one who turned over the evidence of his crimes to the police. Are you saying you love your father, because if you do, how could you be here testifying against him now?"

Although she hadn't expected this question, Victoria wasn't surprised; she had asked herself this very thing every day since that day in her father's office. "I can't cover for you this time, Dad." She remembers saying, trying to sound resolute but instead let her actions prove that she was, as she handed the disk to Paul. The look of disbelief on her father's face lives in her, even now.

"I love my father, very much. My father provided not just me but all of us with a lifestyle of privilege and unlimited opportunities, and for that, I will always be grateful. He is the man who read me bedtime stories and scared away the monsters hiding under my bed when I was a child. He taught me how to ride and I was good at it; he's the one who encouraged me to be the best. And I was; I have the blue ribbons to prove it. I remember him placing me in front of him on his saddle, letting me hold the reins with his hands over mine as we rode together around the ranch. Sometimes, we'd be going so fast, I felt like I was flying. He gave me a job at his company, starting in the mail room so I could learn the business. I learned everything about business and Newman Enterprises under his wing. He gave me the chance to create something, "Brash and Sassy", which is still on the market to this day. Love him? Of course I do. How could I not? And no one has the right to expect or tell me I should feel otherwise, no matter what he's done."

Victoria pauses, shifting her gaze from Christine to her father, willing him to look at her as she finished, but her efforts are awash in futility.

Christine continues her questioning. "But, you still turned him into the police, and, as I understand it, you have since forced him out of the company which he built and had yourself elected as CEO. How do any of those actions equate to love?"

"My father says he created that company for us, his family. If he really means that, then it's our responsibility to protect it, even if it means protecting it from him. It is our legacy, our children's legacy and I; I mean 'WE' can't just let it die. It's now my job to make sure that doesn't happen."

"I am Victor Newman's oldest child. But, I am not just his daughter, I am a woman. A woman with a daughter, a mother, a sister, and nieces. There are women in my life I care very deeply about. I'm doing this for all of them. I need for my daughter to know that she has a right to not be sexually abused or assaulted in any way. That, when it happens, a woman has a right to expect and fight for justice. That's what I'm doing. As a woman, I'm not just offended by what he did, I am horrified. This man engineered the sexual assault of a woman, the mother of his granddaughter and allowed it to go on _for months_ and acts as if nothing happened. Or, it was somehow that woman's fault. My father had a man kidnapped, taken away from his family and his business with no plans for him ever to return. And he used an emotionally disturbed woman to enact his plan and that woman is dead, along with others. He caused all this pain and destruction." A sardonic half-smile appears momentarily on Victoria's face. "And he didn't care who he hurt, not even if it were members of his own family, the very people he was trying he protect. Because that's always his excuse, he did it to protect his family."

Victoria is almost visibly shaken and as is her habit, rakes the fingers of one hand through her hair, but she remains steadfast, her blue eyes still clear as she gazes at the various faces of so many loved ones, whose attention has been completely focused on her. Nikki is silently crying for her, mouthing an, "I love you." her hands clasped together as if in prayer, and she is, praying her oldest will finally be free.

Nick, who has been listening, not always looking at Victoria, but at the floor instead. Now he raises his head, his eyes meeting Victoria's, who sees the slight nod of his head, a brotherly message of encouragement.

"After everything he's done, he still feels no remorse, none at all. I realize that, if given the chance, he would do it all again." A tear slowly makes it way down Victoria's face, those last words spoken as she once again stares at her father, but that which she was looking for is not evident. He is not sorry; he will never apologize. Victoria's soul is bruised by this realization, one which she has fought for so many years. But, her eyes are clear, finally seeing him in his totality, the good and the bad. She will hold onto the good, those memories of his goodness, but the rest, she lets go. She can no longer help him. She is now separate from him. Victoria takes a deep breath and exhales, slowly purging herself of her sometimes mindless and often blind devotion to this man, her father. She can and will still love him, but as he is, not as how she wanted him to be. She once again imagines herself riding her favorite horse from her childhood alone, with him no longer in control of the reins.

"I love my father, but I hate what he did. And I know he may never forgive me, but I know now I can live with that. It's better than the alternative; being unable to forgive myself for not telling the truth."

Victoria, having completed her testimony is excused. She rises, walking not quite as slowly as before. As she walks by the table where her father sits with his attorney she pauses. She looks at her father who barely glances at her, and with a turn of his head, dismisses her. Victoria leaves the courtroom. It's her time to cry.

Jack, still mesmerized by what he had just witnessed, turns to Billy, who is sitting next to him and says, "That's what I call true bravery."

Billy does not respond; he is perplexed by Jack's statement, seeing his praise of Victoria as a criticism of his own actions instead. Jack gives his brother a pitying look before leaving him to follow Victoria, his once and always step daughter.

Jack finds Victoria in the vestibule outside the courtroom, her back is to him as she stares out the window, with her forehead resting in one hand, she's hugging herself. Jack gently places his hand on her shoulder, and she turns to face him. Her eyes are teary as Jack pulls her towards him. Victoria lays her head on his chest, and sobs quietly.

After a moment, Victoria raises her head to look at Jack.

"Victoria.. that was the bravest thing I have ever seen one person do. People who are driven by hate or vengeance only appear to be brave; they are just fueled by something dark and destructive, doing things that often end up hurting others. Trust me, I know, I've been there, many times. But, with you, there was no hate, no quest for vengeance in what you did or in what you said. Everything you said was out of love and your sense of justice; the sacrifice you made is yours and yours alone. You decided to make that journey on your own. And I thank you for that."

"Thank you, Jack, for saying that. I just hope my family thinks so, too. I just have to accept the fact that the father I loved is not the man sitting in the courtroom. That man is gone, and I will just have to hold on to those memories, and let everything else go."

Victoria, smiling through her tears continues speaking as she stands there with Jack, who is now holding both of her hands in his. "It's funny, really. A few years ago, I sued my father for my independence and all I got for my efforts was money. Not what I really wanted; I wanted his approval, his respect, for him to see me as an equal. It's a shame that it took this long and so much pain for me to see that my independence was always there for me to take. And his love and approval never really existed."

"So, what are you going to do now?" Jack asks.

"You mean what am I going to do about Billy?" Victoria says, her tone slightly defensive. She really was not willing to listen to anything about Billy or how wrong she was to break their engagement. No, not today.

"No. I mean what are you going to do for you?"

"Oh!". Victoria smiles slightly and relaxes, brushes her hair from her face. "That's easy. Take care of my children, myself and my company. In that order."

Victoria has one more thing to say; she moves closer to Jack, almost whispering, "Jack. you do realize that you're the only reason I've decided not to sue Jabot for Passkey, right? I think my father has done enough damage to you and to your company."

As the court is recessed, others exit the courtroom to find Victoria and Jack deep in conversation; Billy is among them, watching the exchange, and wondering, but maintaining his distance. Nick comes to stand by his sister's side.

"Yes, I know." Jack bends, kisses Victoria on the cheek and excuses himself, leaving Victoria in Nick's care. He sees Billy standing by silently. Jack takes one more look at Victoria, looks again at Billy. "You, little brother, are a fool." Without waiting for a response Jack enters the elevator, still watching immobile Billy as the doors close between them.


End file.
